People always leave.

"People always leave".---This is one line from my favorite series (one tree hill), mentioned by Peyton Sawyer, one of the lead characters...and she used to say this at times na she felt alone...I hate the line but I loved her in that series:)

Hmmm.

Hi angel..ngaun nlng ulit aq nkpagpost s blog.after 5 or 6 days?ok watever.haha. coz i had no time para mkpagpost ulet these past few days.i can say na they're the days na i won't forget...cold, sad and hurting days..

well.how are you?me i'm okay now..pero 3 days ago.hindi q lang alam kung anong nangyare.hahaha.

you see.sa lahat ng nangyare nitong mga nkaraang araw...i'm finally believing what peyton says..dati naiinis aq sa kanya sa one tree hill coz she's very bitter.lam mo un na parang she has no reasons at all to feel that way naman..then she's choosing to be bitter..murmuring always the words,"people always leave"...i really hate the line before but now.yeah.it's kinda true.it sucks.pero un ang totoo.kahit there are lots of people around you na hindi naman nagpaparamdam sa yo na iiwan ka or iniwanan ka...still at one point of our lives, sooner....the thing we are treasuring most will be gone or the people we are cherishing the most will leave...and that's one inevitable thing in this world that we all have to face..because once the people we loved most left us...if we won't be strong enough to face the loneliness and tears from being left by them..we won't only lose them..but we may also lose ourselves...and that's the hardest part..when in the process of fighting for what you love and what you don't want to lose..e you are slowly losing yourself...

maybe that's the saddest truth..sa totoo lang...alam mo b ung feeling na parang..sa hindi pinakang inaasahan na panahon pa mangyayari ung mga ganon kasakit na bagay...when you ought to think na everything's fine.tapos..boom!ganyan pala....ung bang sakit sakit lang..but above it all, hindi lang ako ung nsaktan...lahat ng minamhal ko na iniwan din..hell..maybe.idk.it just felt that way.

i hate to cry..but i had to cry.mga 2 days...maybe it's my way to keep me okay..crybaby nman tlga aq.pero lam mo ung hindi mapigilang iyak ba..aun.well.it just hurts.but maybe if what happened will be the only way for us to realize things...for evryone to be better and happy.e di so be it!let time nlng take things back to where they really should belong...e di ba babalik nman ung mga umaalis..kung in God's will e babalik tlga sila.pero if not, then i guess we just have to prepare ourselve for that...

i hate goodbyes too.naku! just the word makes me sick...nasanay kasi aq na laging may ksama...c dadi q kc at momi..super sanay aq na anjan cla.minsan nga e cla pa napili ng dadamitin q...and whatever i do, i always consult them...so i find it really hard to be left kasi i grew up in a world where my mom and dad are always there for me at never nila pinaramdam sa akin na iiwan nila okay.kaya nman, aq...ayoko rin mang-iwan because that's not something i was taught by my momi and dadi.i find it hard to say goodbye..and i find it harder to listen to the word goodbye.

Pero di ba?anong mgagawa q kung ganon?magmamatter ba kung iiyak aq ng iiyak dahil iniwan aq? or will my actions matter para maiwasang iwanan?what if kelngan niya tlga umalis di ba? who to blame? well.idk.i really don't know.

Right now, i'm hoping that things will be fine. i hate to see the people i love na naiwan din e lonely and hurting....parang it is breaking my heart tlga...literal.haha.yeah.it really breaks my heart to see them crying...pero anong mgagawa q...sa tingin q sa ngaun wala...cguro magppray nlng tlga aq.sana maging ok ang lhat.un lang nman gusto q at hinihiling q..ung maging okay lahat ng  minamhal q.

People always leave.yes they do...and that's something i know na will keep me thinking and will keep me asking "why?" at alam ko din na that question will always remain a mystery...not all questions can be answered easily..maybe it's up to me, how will i look for answers or how will i find for reasons..for everything we do has a reason but for some things they are just meant to happen.it's all shaped in destiny...a destiny that we have to continue to live and a destiny we have to accept.

Para sa lahat ng plaging umaalis at nang-iiwan.someday will come na you'll feel tired and think na leaving isn't always the best choice and leaving is not the only way to escape from evrything. and when that day comes you'll regret everything.maybe hindi regrets..maybe spending lifetime wondering and asking questions 'what if' hindi ka umalis...would it be better? but if you believe that leaving is the best decision for you and that would do good to evryone..then maybe..leaving will always be your move to go on living..just remember na leaving won't keep you alive for this world doesn't tells us to step out...because we actually have to step in para matuto at para maging mas matapang....if leaving would mean hurting the one you love and bringing them pain and loneliness but thinking na ginawa mo yun dahil un ung best para sa yo at don ka liligaya...then maybe...leaving would always mean loving for you...if that happens...you will never  be happy...not a day would pass na you would always think of staying but there's no other choice so you'd better leave and be on your own...dahil wala ka ng babalikan pa...dahil iniwan mo n at sinaktan lahat ng nagmamahal sa yo...

Para sa lahat ng iniwanan..this is for you. You may not be the strongest person...but you have to be strong and brave to stand again kapag iniwanan ka. comfort yourself when nobody else does..iniwan ka man ng lhat, remember you would never lose yourself as long as in the process of facing pain and loneliness, you should also take care of yourself..para hindi ka rin mawala...malay mo, it is just a way para ma-realize mo na after all..kahit iniwanan ka na...meron pa rin mga tao na isasali ka nman sa mundo nila at hinding hindi ka na iiwan pa. who knows di ba? just be the first person to believe that you can personally move on..at you can even grow better...who the hell would say na hindi mo kya di ba? just build yourself once again...this world is unfair...but it will give you what you deserve...and hold on to the fact..na you're always deserving of what is best...tapos kapag buo ka na ulit..learn to let go, face the world again...live again.love again.be happy again..drating ang araw na paulit ulit ka mang iwanan..paulit ulit mo ring matutunang bumangon at lalong mhalin pa ang sarili mo...di ba? apir! just be positive about it...you may not be the strongest person but you know you can be the best! 

hmmm.well.gabi na...good night angel...mag-aaral pa aq...hope tomorrow's fine.and for me...sana matanggap q na ang mga bgay bgay sa akin.mahirap tlaga cguro.but i hope makaya q. don't leave me angel ha...i can't live alone.good night:)

Day 4: i hate guys.

why does evrybody have to be judgmental on the physical? damn it! today's idk.bad! and i hate guys.they are all the same.all of them. they just want pretty girls whom they can model to evryone else just to make an impression...arrrgggghhhhh! Most of them do this! they always choose those who are pretty.so what?if you're not pretty, then you'd rather not involve yourself in a guy because they would always choose someone prettier over you....aaahhhhhh.i hate it!

angel, today's not a day, because it's not bright. its's still raining and nothing has changed, still problems are here.and it sucks to know none of them were solved. and there's this thing I knew from my other ate. and i almost cry about it. idk. i love her very much.very much. i just hate the way guys make her cry. knowing na it's from her bf. why are they like that? is that a nature or what? idk. i haven't been into any relationship with a guy, so maybe idk. i loved someone once and i never fell in love again. so idk if what i had experienced with him was enough to know or even to realize things with guys. i haven't had a boyfriend so i really don't know.actually, i'm not planning on having any becoz i hate them! i know na alam q na ang sinsabi q:(

alam mo un, aq kasi hindi aq maganda. but i'm just trying to be fine para kht papano ma-appreciate ng iba di ba? then.at the least when someone courts me, i'd be happy to know na i'm pretty for him. and it feels vry frustrating to know na sasabihin nung bf mo di na ka kagandahan. xet. tapos ganon mangyayari kay ate.ano b un?db?galing s bf mo un?di b kaasar?kabwisit! idk. i knw my ate's really hurting. because ngaun, the more na she's feeling insecure and unconfident of herself.

okay.fine.it's not like tell lies just to be with the side of someone.but alam mo un, bkt wla man lng sense of appreciation..dahil ung ate q, she's doing evrything to fit her bf and what her bf likes...or even what her bf wants her to be. alam mo un feeling n lhat ng pagpapaganda gingwa nia tapos ung tao na you are least expecting to appreciate you e ganon nmn pla. bkt gnon? di ba?nong time na naging cla n ni ate, grabe i am happy for her.sobra.kung alam mo lang angel.nkita q nmn kasi ky ate na she's very happy.yes.she is.and she tells us na she already love the guy bcoz effort c guy sa kanya that time n mafeel nia na mahal na mahal xa. tapos.ok nmn cla.i can see she's happy naman. so, i, personally, am very happy tlga ky ate.un lang nman gusto ko, na parang maging masaya lahat ng mhal q sa buhay.then, last night, i saw her crying. i'm asking her why pero hindi nia sinabi.knina lang xa ng-open.grabe!i really don't know.napataas tlga kilay q.imbyerna!adua!bkt?kagwapuhan ata xa e, artista baga....ang kapal ng mukha mkapgsabi na hindi daw mganda ung ate q ha sa ibang tao.fb p man din. leche! ang kapal nia.i thought he'd make my ate feel okay and loved tapos gnyan xa? alam mo un, xa nman ung nanligaw ky ate, xa nmn nag-effort...hindi nman as if hinabol xa ng ate q para maging cla. kasi kilala q c ate, she is this very timid and kind and warm hearted woman, she needs to be pastcarde and loved. she's hurt too much in the her past relationships and it's kinda hard for her to open her heart agian to somebody else. but this time, she did! so i thought that this guy would be the guy she's looking for that made her feel comforted and well-loved. tapos ngaun e gnto.

now.i feel scared towards it.natatakot aqng muling masaktan c ate. i've seen her thourgh her heart breaks and it breaks my heart too seeing her bursting with tears and loneliness. nalulungkot aq.bkt nman xa gnon?is she not enough for him?

sa totoo lang, i don't understand guys. and i feel like now, lalong ayoko n silang intindihin.pareparehas nman sila. you would do evrything for them, then at the end of the day.ikw pa din ang talo! kasi whatever happens, we, girls are the ones na emotinal, tayo ung mas nangagailangan ng feeling na we are well-loved, well taken care of, well-secured, well-appreciated, well-understood para mashare ntn ung sarili natin sa knila na buong buo at may confidence..hindi ung mararamdaman lang ntn ay awa from them, insecurity from their friends na hindi ka man lang maipagtanggol or worse, ung feeling na ikinakahiya ka knowing na you've given your whole self for him.

i wish i could do something about it.ayoko kasi nung may umiiyak.ksi alm mo, nalulungkot din aq, npapaiyak din aq. gusto q lang maging ok n c ate.sana mging ok n ano? i just can't understand guys doing this?is this natural to them? they just don't know how evry little thing can they do or say can hurt a girl...kasi girls ought to think of things, they just don't know how much investment of feelings does a girl put up in a realtionship for them to ruin it like this and hurt girls like this.....

i can't even understand why they choose to love again kht na at multiple times they are hurting? kasi aq super nadala n aq sa isa. i don't know if i would choose to love again?sabi q nga sa ate q.bkt hindi xa ndadala? they would answer me na i would know if i would just learn to love again and feel real love.

i don't know.for now. i love myself, i love my family, i love my studies, i'm preparing myself in the future and i hate guys!(them who are judgmental on the physical looks, them who hurts us).!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day 3: Rain

hi angel.hope u had a good day.mine's okay.but i guess not fine. today's saturday. i'm supposed to be resting but we had our practice set at school and we went to finish our system. i have to do so many things. my mind is so full and i can't even think what to do first. well, here's this acctg.system thing that consumes my time and its hard for me to do it. It is actually one of our requirements in one of our subjects IT. it's kinda hard because i am not expert with computers and i have to do major effort to finish this. aun...hayy.ang hirap kaya. then, regarding acctg. i still have to do my practice set..and i am really confused with it becuase i already forgot the entries...and then here comes the different household chores.my gosh.have just one day to do all stuffs by tomorrow, coz i got class on monday na.hay.kainaman! and worse, it's raining whole day.and i hate the rain. i really hate it.

feels like today is really raining...the weather is raining..it's raining of activities that i still have to do.it's raining with sadness and problems.and just like what i am feeling everytime it's raining, today's a sad day. i don't know why i don't like the rain...maybe because they are tears. and i don't like sadness...but i am. i know i am.

i got home and saw my momi again sad.hay.and i felt sad about it. our house has a sad atmosphere lately.my older sister is leaving. she insists on going to some far place and my momi and dadi are against it but she still insists on it. she wants to leave us. i can understand her, she tells me reasons why she has to go, but that makes momi and dadi upset for they cannot know the real reason why. my ate tells them that she's going there to work, but actually she'll go there to find her happiness. my momi and dadi wouldn't understand because if they knew this, they would get mad. they really would be, coz if ther would know they would go against it. and the more they would not let my ate go...so...hindi sila magkaintindihan.

Nakakainis lang.actually, wla aqng maramdman.hindi q alam kung anong dapat maramdaman.i don't even know what to think. damn it! i can't think.i can't absorb sad situations and i hate it that momi and dadi have to be sad.naaasar aq na nagiging dahilan xa ng pag-iicp nila momi at dadi. i can understand my ate. i wouldn't stop her. but i don't know if i still care..sa ngayon, naiinis aq na kailangan pa tong mangyari at masaktan cla dadi.pero hindi q alam kung kanino aq galit...ni hindi q alam kung galit aq o naiinis lang o nalulungkot...kasi alam q hindi rin to madali para sa ate q.alam q mahal niya sila momi at dadi...she's having hard time with this.aq nga nahihirapan e, what more pa xa di ba?

alam mo kasi, mahal na mahal ko cla momi at dadi.lahat gagawin q para sa kanila. i can sacrifice evrything.if time will come, i can even risk my own hapiness..if that will make them okay and if that will make them happy..i am willing.i am always willing. pero iba sila sa akin.di ba nga naintindihan q naman kasi iba iba nman ang mga tao...masakit lang tanggapin na un ung mangyayari..ngayon, naguguluhan aq, hindi q na alam kung naiintindihan q pa ba ang nangyayari at hindi q din alam kung maiintindihan q pa ba....

Tuesday na xa aalis.at hindi pa rin siya pinpayagan hanggang ngayon..ewan q nga kung anong mangyayari.sa totoo lang.ayaw qng mag tuesday.ayoko.ayoko.ayoko...mahal q c ate. i do. i love her and i want to understand her.And i'll always be here to support her.Sa totoo lang, i admire my ate. she's brave and she always fights for what she wants.but i love my parents more and i don't want them to get hurt.

Life is uncertain. life is unfair. life is too complicated.

But who knows, that what will happen for now and what can hurt us now will be good tomorrow and will bring out the best in us in the future? I am trying to understand things. why is understanding so difficult to do.?why can't it all be fine?well, i guess that that's what makes it life. it's always unpredictable, it's always to fight and take risk and then learn lessons rather than not trying at all, it's always hurting...

Di ba nga after the rain comes the rainbow. i am believing that someday,sometime in the future, everything will be fine and we'll all be happy. i just want to be happy.i wish i can get through all of these.

dear angel, pls.tell our Father above to guide us and never let anything bad happen, tell Him to help us.and that i know, He will let love prevail...tell Him i love Him very much and please be with me and my loved ones.  

The rain hasn't stop. the day is about to end and it's still raining.This rain makes me feel someone else living in loneliness and tears. maybe the rain are my tears. because i really don't know how to express myself.

I wish the rain would stop. and I hope I can stop crying.

Well, gudnyt angel..tomorrow's a big day.help me.:)don't leave me.i can't live alone...

Day 2: No Regrets

hi angel.:)how's ur day.mine's okay...idk.hay.wat do i know ba?hmmm.i'm listening to the song 'later' on my way home, nkakalungkot.hehehe.aun.it's late na in the evening. coz my law class which is my last subject for this day ended late..tapos pagdating q dto sa bahay, i felt lonelier.i saw my mom.she looks tired...and i can see disappointments in her eyes.


I'm 3rd year college now.and i was supposed to be fourth year already.but because bumagsak aq sa accounting subjects q, which is actually my major(hay.i'm stupid), i have to extend for another year to finish my course...and so. i can't get to be hapi.feeling q, kahit hindi sa akin sinasabi nila momi, they were very disappointed in me. i used to be good. i am...at school, almost all my subjects.but i don't know, nitong college, mahirap para sa akin tong course q.actually,parang hindi q xa gusto..parang this isn't my line of expertise.before, i used to excel at school...but now, it's a lot different. idk. aq ata ang nagbago, tumamad b aq..naging tanga yata.hay.hindi q talaga..before, prang ang easy lang ng sujects nung 1st year college.tapos, biglang bumulaga sa akin etong mhrap na acctg. the nature's different and it's a lot harder to understand compared to before..tapos i feel so afraid sa prof.namin.so idk.i can't keep up with the subject.at ayon.bumagsak nga aq.i have to repeat it. at sa awa nman, i passed na..still the feeling of failure is there.parang hindi pa rin aq mxdo okay khit npasa q na..but what to do? heto na aq.i've reached this far. i can't give up now.3rd year n aq..2nd year q na sa pagiging 3rd year and i am surviving. idk. and this is the only time i'm beginning to like my subjects...but not that much.


at eto aq ngaun.i am studying hard.gusto q maging topnotcher sa board exam q.para kht papano mbigyan q cla momi at dadi from me na something they can be proud of. i can't give them cumlaude award.aun...na alam q inexpect nila from me..


alam mo angel, mlaking thank u ky ate alessa.grabe..she's my other sister, not biological but by heart..she helped me all the way, through my hardships at sa lahat lahat.magboboard exam na xa this sat.sana nga mkapasa xa e...


may 2 years pa aq na preparation s board. kaya ko to.sisimulan q n ngaun. i don't want momi and dadi to be sad.gusto q lagi clang masaya.lahat gagawin q para sa kanila. i'm feeling bad because this happened to me. but i'm doing everything to bring back the 'me' na nwala...at kung baket aq nawala at papano...shashare q din sa yo for the next days. it's just this is how i feel right now. sinasabi q sa sarili q..magiging CPA aq at ito ang magiging stepping stone q  para sa law...kasi gusto q tlgang maging lawyer..


angel...i keep telling myself na 'no regrets' but idk.hindi q lang mgawang hindi icpn. i guess regret pa din but i'm trying to see it as a challenge, and i hope i really can.i'm being positive about it na hindi xa disturbance.it's my edge over others. I failed once and I've learned my lesson from it..so for the future I am stronger and if the time comes, i know what to do and i'll be successful with it.


Happy bday ATE IRIS.she's my older sister. sana she'll be fine too. that's also what i'm worrying about for now.i'll share it with you tomorrow ha...coz i'm sleepy na.


gudnyt angel:)

first time

dear my angel,

just tell me you love me.whisper words i so long to hear...let this time not be borrowed..let this be ours to share...wala lang. i'm listening to love radio now. aun.the lyrics so catchy e.hehehe.hayy...i feel like this is new me. this is my first time doing this. and it's nice:)as in this is the first that i'm letting things out of me. kasi i don't have fb...hindi aq mhilig sa mga websites or what..i use computers or net for researches lang.now, here i am...i guess i'm learning to let myself out. idk. i just feel doing so...di ba sabi nila, ang pain daw minsan dapat nahahawakan so you can easily let it go...well, it's not just pain.cguro lahat...hehhe.but i do write things...i write poems or articles or essays whenever i feel like wla n aqng mtakbuhan...parang gnon din dito.cguro the only difference is that this time,using blog is braver, bcoz i get to share with others..kasi halos lahat ng sinusulat q akin lang e...nashashare q lang ung artcles ko if needed like in our school paper because i happen to be part of our school organ..aun and the articles i share in our school paper is somewhat like subjective..this time cguro all my feelings.aun.i'm doing this because i'm like loving myself more..50%..hehee.at ayoko kipkipin e2ng mga nafefeel q...aun.

this feels great...anyway.i had a bright day today. i watched a good movie today "Life as we know it".aun.it was really good. But somehow i'm sad. i heard my ate and she's having a fight with kuya..and i hate it.i love her so much.ayoko xa umiiyak.i wish i can do something. but wat can i do? feeling q i don't even know anythng about relationships e. i never had a boyfriend so i don't know what to advice or even say.it's sad...sana maging ok na sila noh?sana.

sa totoo lang, minsan. i feel like i hate guys. i do. i really do. i hate the way they make us cry.why are they that powerful?and i hate to realize that they are really that powerful.gusto q mpatunyan na mas magaling tayo sa kanila...or gusto ko lang makakilala ng guy na magpprove na hindi sila lahat pare pareho...idk.i really don't know.

hay.angel...i wish i can fly for sometime.and then i can see everyone from above and get to see through them. tapos...in flying i can think of nothing else and release myself from all stress.i wish i can fly.i wish i can, tapos babagsak aq, then somebody will catch me at un ung nagmamahal sa akin ng totoo..mhirap kasi makita ung mga taong totoo sa yo e..aun.ang gulo q noh?mrami aq nasa icp..and day by day i wish to break these thoughts in my head...tapos mrealize q lahat ng bagay.:)

well.i love life.but i don't know if i'm living it well....gudnyt angel:)